Peace and Love!

A beautiful thing happened at school yesterday. Let me start from the beginning. Thursday afternoon, just as I prepared to leave for the day, my phone rang. A concerned mom was calling about a friendship problem her second grader had come home crying about. Apparently, her little girl had been bothered by another child for the last two years. The two girls had been in kindergarten together and shared a playground for the succeeding couple of years. This mother had coached her child through all the upsetting experiences, and I hadn't been aware of any of this. Well, on Thursday things took a turn in a new direction. The mom on the phone said that her daughter lost her temper on the playground and said, "Let's start an 'I Hate ______ Club' ". Immediately, her child knew that what she had done was wrong, and she regretted those words exceedingly, but of course she couldn't take them back. When she got into the car to go home, her mom said she was sobbing with remorse. Since the mom was afraid her daughter would be afraid to come see me about what had happened, I offered to meet with the mother and child together at 7:10 the next morning to see how I could help.

When she entered my room the next morning, the pretty blonde second grader widened her eyes in an obviously nervous way. I was friendly and warm, and she quickly relaxed. After listening to all the history of the two girls' relationship, I suggested that I set up a peacemaking talk for them. I explained in detail how it would work, and the little girl agreed that it would probably be helpful. Due to the greatly appreciated cooperation and understanding of both girls' teachers, I was able to schedule the peace talk for later that morning.

First I went to the other little girl, the one whose feelings had been hurt on the playground the previous day. Knowing her personality, I felt like she'd be a willing and enthusiastic participant, and she didn't disappoint me! I took her into the hall for privacy and explained that I knew what had happened and that the other child wanted to apologize for hurting her feelings. I asked if meeting together would be okay with her. Breaking into a quick grin that lit up her freckled face, she nodded her head firmly and said, "Yes, that's VERY okay. And I forgive her. Sometimes I get mad and say things I don't really mean, too." Well, my eyes were already brimming because of the speedy forgiveness and genuine understanding, and we walked on down the hallway to collect the other child. When she walked into the hall, her arms were straight down at her sides, and her hands were balled into a fist. her eyes were huge, and her eyebrows were lifted. (Her mom later described this as her "scared look".) Putting her at ease, I said that the other child did want to have a peacemaking talk and that she was willing to forgive what had happened. As the first girl said she was sorry, the "wronged child" threw her arms around her friend's waist and smiled.

Feeling relieved that everything was working out so well, I joked around with the girls as we made our way to my office. "Promise you're not gonna pull each other's hair and claw each other's eyeballs out? No black eyes? No bloodshed?" They rolled their eyes and laughed.

The peacemaking talk went well, and both girls were able to say what was bothering them about the other. They listened, didn't interrupt, and stayed respectful. As we brought up the "I Hate____ Club", the ashamed little girl covered her ears, closed her eyes, shook her head, and said, "No, don't say it!" Sensing her guilt and regret, her friend threw her head onto the other's shoulder, grinned, and said, "Everybody has meltdowns, Honey!" Precious and adorable! They cheerfully wrote out peacemaking plans and committed to try their best to stick to them. Afterwards, the two chums put on a puppet show for me, as silly and giggly as any two second grade girls you've ever seen.

Hopefully this will help, although there may be bumps along the road. However, I was just so impressed with the strong conscience of the first child, with the empathy and mercy of the second, and with the maturity and respect of both! These heartwarming experiences are what keep me going in this beloved career of mine!